"Did I let you down to get that sound, And break my knees to get release"

Why do we need epiphanies? Why isn't our life just acceptable from the get go. Stupid epiphanies. It's never something easy to implement either, no one ever goes "Oh thank god I've realized the error of my ways, I'll never wear florescent pink ever again". It usually somewhere along the line of "I probably shouldn't be breathing as often as I do" on the difficulty scale.

 I thought more about my situation in life. I only have one life. I might as well go after what I want. Which means, despite the bro code, the screaming instincts, the warning lights going off in my head, and everything else. I am going to consider if I want her who here forth and retroactively shall be known as Maddy.


Things to consider are, we were getting to be pretty good friends before she left for Mexico. She is in a long term relationship, and I'd hate to be that guy. Just because she's the first person I've felt like this for, doesn't mean she will be the last. She is leaving for college that's way out of town in September. Well I guess I kind of answered my own question, I'll keep what I've got.


If however she does break up with her boyfriend before September, I'll definitely let her know how I feel. There epiphany sated.

Next on the agenda is the girl I mention last night, and (thank god I didn't) almost messaged. Her name is Sarah. Anyway, I looked online about how to ask a girl out on facebook (yea I know it's pathetic). Anyway they suggested using the chat function if you don't know the person, then pretend that you sent them a message by mistake, and from there strike up a conversation, and if it's a good conversation ask for their number and/or a date. Which seems like a pretty solid plan. Now to increase my odds, I am waiting a day or two, to see when she is mostly likely to log into facebook, and stay on for increased periods of time.


Ok there, I was able to set aside my feelings for a girl I love, and make a rational decision, and from there have made a plan to ask another girl I've never met out. All without to much effort/stress.

"She's a rebel, she's a saint, she's the salt of the earth, and she's dangerous"

So, turns out the person I hit on, is no longer having relationship issues, so there goes that ship. Not that it really mattered. In nine days she will be back, again not like that matters either, just figured it might be relevant because of all of the obsessing.

On that note I should probably mention this girl I "met" on facebook. She popped with 8 mutual friends in the people you may know bar. She was absolutely GORGEOUS. I added her simply so I could ogle her profile pictures. It gets better, turns out she's single. Which is good I guess, but I'm a coward and can't see myself being like, you don't know me but...

She was on one of the dating sites that I joined, and I was absolutely thrilled! So I messaged her, but she never responded. Anyway, I was watching a popular Youtube video "Boxxy", and I realized a trait that I would love to have in a girl. She was sooo cute, all bubbly and happy and what not, it was really refreshing, her smile was infectious. It got depressing though as her most recent video was her saying that she hadn't made a video in awhile, and she probably wouldn't make any more because of things people were saying about her.

But yea I would definitely like someone bordering obnoxiously bubbly, an optimist, someone who always saw the bright side no matter what, always smiling etc etc. It was kind of depressing to realize that this trait is usually bled out of people who have it. Or they go insane.

So yea I should message that girl from facebook. I'm not going to, but I should.

"Hard to see in color when you're miserable"

So looks like she (A.K.A. her) is coming back to Kingston. Her 5 month trip nearly completed. I don't think it changes anything, although I'll be able to hang out with her again. I'm not sure that I should. She'll be leaving for college in September anyway. I did like hanging out with her, we had some good conversations. I also remember being kind of obsessed over her. I still kind of want to tell her how I feel about her, but I don't really expect her to just drop everything to date me, nor I do I expect her to feel the same way.

I might take this chance to drift apart, just stop talking her, not necessarily, ignore her, just kind of do my best to put her out of my mind. I'm sure there will be other girls. I'm sure I'll come up with something, I usually do.