So an update I guess. So as for the cute girl in the last post things are going... ok? I had her over for dinner a few nights back and that was fun. Nothing happened. I was seriously going to try something, I was coming off of new years with all kinds of confidence but I got no signal. Nothing. No prolonged eye contact or shuffling closer, no sign that she liked me more than oh you're the other person in the apartment. So we talked. She seems awesome, and she came back for the aforementioned party that happened two nights ago. Again nothing. No response no real flirting so I figured that venture was a bust, she ended up leaving early with her friends and asked me to join them to a night club, and I seriously considered going until Marcel said something a long the lines of I will just be disappointed so I stayed. Later she texted Marcel and asked him if I was mad that she left. Until that point I figured she didn't care. This was fine and dandy because as it happens there was another cute girl at our apartment, who was flirting and did seem interested. Things were going ok it was just me, Marcel and, her. All of sudden I was taken back to that night, and in my head a silent war was being waged for the affections of this girl, it didn't last long, Marcel went to bed. We then moved to the same couch to watch a movie when, some of the people from the party came back. Fuck. So it took about an hour to get rid of them, but that's ok the guy who introduced me to the girl from new years made it clear that I was supposed to go with them, and that it was probably an opportunity missed. Double fuck. Anyway back to cute girl #2, I struggled at first to break the touch barrier. I have this embedded fear of human contact, like a small rejection might shatter me into bits, I was able to hilariously and awkwardly get my arm around her and we cuddled and watched shows all night. All the while praying Marcel would sleep in, just so I would have more alone time with her, apparently 6 hours isn't enough. I didn't kiss her. Triple fuck. So yet again I spend a night with a girl, stake no claim and leave everything to be decided until later.
So a break down of the situation I have a the girl from new years who's cute and awesome, and intelligent, and my age. But doesn't (or at least didn't) seem interested in me much, and I have the girl from two nights ago who, I've already broken the touch barrier with, has a better body, is probably more cute, less intelligent but not ignorant, and a virgin. That last point gives me hope. She seems not to have had much experience either, maybe someone as broken as me. Or at least close enough. She seems interested, we're going for a movie either tomorrow or the next day and I have a date with the first girl on Wednesday or Thursday. This leaves me lost. I have two choices, not enough resources to get both, and if I lose one, I lose both. I have to pick one, but I am afraid to be left without a shot. Right now my plan is to go on date one, kiss her, and pray that all goes well. I feel much more comfortable with her and realistically place my odds of actually trying at around 65%. If that doesn't work then I have new years girl to rely on as back up, I place my odd there around 20% I don't feel the same comfort as I do with the other girl.
So first world problems I know, it's really hard not to see this as my last chance. But if I fuck this up then I will be lost for awhile. It also is great knowing that if I fuck up my friends are there to berate me "Oh you spent a night with a girl and didn't fuck her? YOU FUCKED UP HAHAHAHA!", it's like Christ just be happy that I made any progress, congratulate me and give me some space to operate without feeling pressured. This was supposed to be a short post.
