The End. Edit*

"Big shot screaming 'put your hands in the sky' he says 'give it up boy, give it up or you're gonna die, you'll get a bullet in the back of the neck, in the back of the neck, right between the eyes'..."

Hands in the Sky (Big Shot) - Straylight Run

Ok so you've seen it all. Everything that bothers me. Everything that made me who I am today. Who I am is not perfect. Writing this, all of this has given me a lot to think about. I got to go through my conversation history with the people who have spent the most time in my thoughts. I've seen that what I remember definitely was not what happened. More importantly I've learned to move on. Just because I felt a certain way for someone once, doesn't mean it will never happen again. Hell according to something I just read on Stumble there are approximately 18,000 people in the world that I'd be compatible with. So if I have to wait a little bit longer I guess that's how it goes.


I think I'm done with the blog for a bit. I've written what I've wanted to write. I have my story in written form. I will leave it at least until the end of March. April 15th, I'll update with whether or not I still need the blog.


I guess I can't really just stop telling the story. It needs an ending. So here it is:

So once Maddy got back from Mexico, I asked her if she wanted to hang out, to which she replied "Sure, when/where?". We ended up meeting out by the YMCA where we usually meet. We chatted a bit over coffee. I had forgotten how much I missed talking to her. We took a walk along the waterfront, it was a nice night for a walk, the stars were out and the temperature wasn't too cold. I walked her back to her apartment, where she is supposed to be staying until she leaves. I had planned this whole scenario out in my head for the last week. I would tell her everything. I would tell her how I felt about her. About how much she means to me. About how she should stay in town... just a bit longer. Just to find out if she feels even remotely the same way. I don't want to come off as insane,  or start any drama so I spent the entire week, near sleepless wording everything out perfectly.

So we finally walk up to the doors and I am all set to tell her everything... When I hear the door open behind me and I see her light up, a smile that could brighten even the darkest day. I turn to look and I see her boyfriend behind me, who is sharing more or less the same expression. She moves past me to hug him, and proceeds to introduce us. We say an awkward hello and shake hands. She tells him that she'll be right up, and he closes the door. In what couldn't have been 2 minutes the whole foundation of my plan falls out from under me. Seeing that look in her eyes, a look of pure joy and happiness. I know that it's not meant to be, and telling her would accomplish nothing other than to ruin a perfectly good evening. So we say goodbye and she leaves. I sit out in the cold for a minute before I start to walk back, thinking as I go.

I know, that these feelings are pointless, irrational and unfounded, but fuck this. I have to tell her now, or risk regretting it forever. I run back and head inside the first set of doors and I key in the code to page her apartment number, all the while any semblance of what I had worded in my mind is lost. And the little speaker on the wall rings... I begin to feel unsure. What am I going to say? It rings again. I realize how incredibly stupid this is and part of me doesn't care. It rings a third time, and I start  to panic. On the fourth ring I am almost out the door when I hear a muffled hello coming from the little box on the wall.



What happened next? How does this story really end? It doesn't matter. Sometimes life works out insanely well, but an equal amount of the time it can end up tragically soul crushing. So which is it going to be? Is this a story of true love? A tragedy? A fairy tale? You decide. I'm sure what ever ending you can imagine will be just as good as one I write. Because when its all over, the story is more important than the ending alone. Thanks again. For everything.

"The perfect moment. You know when you're in it. Because all at once your problems dissipate. All at once the world becomes a perfect place, happiness and love replacing hate and fear. Your only worry is that at any moment it could all end. You're afraid to look at your watch. Afraid to count the seconds. Because there are much better ways to spend them. And when it ends. When you realize it's all over, when the world fades from color to black. You'll still be happy."

A near hit

So I was looking over that dating site again, and I saw a profile that caught my eye. She lives in my area and she looked attractive and I don't mean just physically she seemed really nice, and altogether just looked like a nice person. So I messaged her and she responded! Only to find out.... she's moving! Yay for me.... again. If it weren't for bad luck with girls I'd have no bad luck at all. Anyway we chatted for a bit, and it was fun, we talked until about 3 AM and then when I messaged her today she didn't respond. So I figure that's as far as I'm going to get. I'm so sick of being single, honestly my only goal now is to be in a relationship by may 19th. If I do make it to the 19th then I've earned the 3 straight years single badge. Yay again. Oh and the girl from works who's name I didn't remember is named Carley.... and she's dating someone. More desparity to follow! : D