"I'm a trouble maker, never had the patience to keep it on the up"

Troublemaker - Weezer










Music news:
Rise Against has a new album (End Game) and its out!! If you haven't listened to them I would recommend them. I like every single song they've done, so yea check em out!

Work is going better now that we're actually doing some freakin work. Not just sitting listening to a boring speaker. I've talked to a lot of people in my training group, and have a few prospects to hit on.
 List goes form the person I am least interested in to the one I am most interested in.

Jaclyn - Has a boyfriend, but I got the vibe that she's not too attached.

Ryleigh - Has a boyfriend as I just confirmed using facebook, but is also really hot, and who knows? It doesn't hurt to make a new friend.... and maybe wait out the relationship.

Steffany - Haven't talked to her much, and I think she's the only one who might actually be single.

????? - For fuck sakes, I forgot her name, which is retarded because she sits next to me and I talk to her all the time. Anyway she mentioned a boyfriend, but then she mentioned an ex, which might mean she's single I don't know. Anyway she's cute and she talks to me, and in the end... isn't that what we all want?

After this I got nothing, I can't wait for college to meet new people! My goal is to at the very least, get some kind of relationship before mid May. Must not... Be... Single... For three... Straight... Years...
But yea sleep is coming slightly easier now, that I have a job and am always tired. Things are on the up.

"I've got a hole in my head, the size of lake fucking michigan"

I'm going to start posting the song title from now:
"Old School Remains - Alkaline Trio"

So the first day of work was unbelievably boring. I was actually social though! I struck up conversations with a few people, including a few cute girls, all with minimal nervousness. It's easier than I thought it would be. So I've furthered my plan with Sarah, by that I mean I'm waiting to get a little bit more experience before I contact her.

So yea, beyond that not a whole lot more to report, I sent a bunch more messages to people on that dating site, I don't expect many responses but, at least I can say I'm trying.

"I can make anybody go to prison just because I don't like, em, I can do anything with no resistance"

Wow just reread what I posted yesterday, it didn't make a whole lot of sense. I need to to proof read more.

So looks like I've got all the information to continue with operation dumbass. What I lack however is courage. It's not so much that I fear being rejected by her (There's something worse?). It's that I might develop real feelings for this person, freeze up and panic on the physical portion, be the subject of ridicule and be forever scarred/discouraged from future relationship attempts (oh.). So I am delaying operation dumbass for a few days. Cause that's apparently how long it takes to get over crippling fears.


The actual reason is that I start my job tomorrow at a call center. This job requires a rather intensive training program before you actually start working there. So on the 15th of every month they will start a new class of recruits, and I have no idea what to expect. So hopefully there will be a single, attractive, somewhat intelligent girl, that's also my age there. Hell hopefully there will be a bunch there. As a note somewhat intelligent refers to someone who would only use the word "retardedest" in a sentence sarcastically. I am also going to attempt to be socially outgoing, try to make a few friends etc.


And if there is absolutely not a single person to hit on at my new job tomorrow... I will  talk to Sarah tomorrow, and proceed with operation dumbass.

"Did I let you down to get that sound, And break my knees to get release"

Why do we need epiphanies? Why isn't our life just acceptable from the get go. Stupid epiphanies. It's never something easy to implement either, no one ever goes "Oh thank god I've realized the error of my ways, I'll never wear florescent pink ever again". It usually somewhere along the line of "I probably shouldn't be breathing as often as I do" on the difficulty scale.

 I thought more about my situation in life. I only have one life. I might as well go after what I want. Which means, despite the bro code, the screaming instincts, the warning lights going off in my head, and everything else. I am going to consider if I want her who here forth and retroactively shall be known as Maddy.


Things to consider are, we were getting to be pretty good friends before she left for Mexico. She is in a long term relationship, and I'd hate to be that guy. Just because she's the first person I've felt like this for, doesn't mean she will be the last. She is leaving for college that's way out of town in September. Well I guess I kind of answered my own question, I'll keep what I've got.


If however she does break up with her boyfriend before September, I'll definitely let her know how I feel. There epiphany sated.

Next on the agenda is the girl I mention last night, and (thank god I didn't) almost messaged. Her name is Sarah. Anyway, I looked online about how to ask a girl out on facebook (yea I know it's pathetic). Anyway they suggested using the chat function if you don't know the person, then pretend that you sent them a message by mistake, and from there strike up a conversation, and if it's a good conversation ask for their number and/or a date. Which seems like a pretty solid plan. Now to increase my odds, I am waiting a day or two, to see when she is mostly likely to log into facebook, and stay on for increased periods of time.


Ok there, I was able to set aside my feelings for a girl I love, and make a rational decision, and from there have made a plan to ask another girl I've never met out. All without to much effort/stress.