"... And that I see a darkness, and did you know how much I love you? is a hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness"

Hello darkness. Today's topic: Death.

Oh how things can change so drastically in such a short time. I read these posts and the thoughts inside them seem almost foreign to me. Things I cannot believe I have put to paper. However this is why I started this blog. Years from now I can look back and read some of my thought processes and see how things really were.

So here's a quick rundown of what I have neglected to write about in the last almost entire year. I joined a rec hockey league. Got better at hockey. I quit my job. I went on welfare. I spent a wonderful 6 months enjoying the shit out of life. Even if it was just lazing around the apartment. Planned to move to Ottawa to work for my dad. I helped a childhood friend and he moved in with us. Marcel moved out. I realized that sometimes the past needs to stay in the past. Took up ultimate Frisbee. Decided I wanted to get into goalie coaching/open my own goalie school. I changed my mind about Ottawa and decided instead to move home to get my finances in order instead. I interned at one of the best goalie schools in North America. Didn't do much, but learned a lot there. I am happily in love with my girlfriend Chelsea. I have doubts, and concerns, and fears, but I know this is normal. I feel I have matured and grown this year, I know there is still room for improvement.

Now on with the show.

Chelsea's grandmother died yesterday. Having lost my own grandfather last year I knew how she felt. It's been difficult. To be honest I am thankful it's over. Things have been hectic recently and not worrying about her suffering is a bit relaxing as terrible as it sounds.

It was strange, I watched someone I care about so much, suffer to the point of hysterics, I tried my best to sound empathetic. She's still upset which is understandable, however I almost feel impatient that she hasn't moved on yet, I thought it was just me being strange as I got over my grandfathers death pretty quickly, however her brother and mother seem to be ok now too. Maybe its a guy/adult thing? 

As much as I want to have children I can't imagine bringing a kid into the world. I almost wish we could tell them before their born, give them a choice and have them understand this: In this world there is great happiness, and wonders. You will run, laugh, play, and love. You will learn, grow, and experience things so amazing they can only be experienced to be believed. You will watch everyone you know grow old, get sick, suffer and die one by one, and each one will leave an emptiness inside you so deep that at first it seems unrepairable. In your life you will witness great marvels of technology and triumphs of man over obstacle. You will see poverty, despair and great tragedy, and there is not one single thing you can do to change any of it. Do you really want this?

Some man recently committed suicide and put up a website outlining his ideas and reasoning, and I thought that was really interesting I have it bookmarked I plan to read it soon. I think I might leave this blog up and give the link to my children when I pass.
See you whenever.