My Ship Is Sinking, But It's All Good I Can Go Down

I had a conversation recently, in which I was criticized (probably rightly so) for how I live. I was told that I need to start taking the future more seriously, that I need to get my head on straight and to start making some important decisions. I was criticized for not listening to advice and for my all around demeanor.

I probably deserved that. At least they thought I did. What I don't think they understand is that I am taking the future seriously. If anything I think I am taking it more seriously than most. I couldn't explain it in person so I will try to explain it here.

 I do things that I like to do. I sleep in. I take days off work. I play hockey when I have no gas. I buy things I can't afford. I make decisions without thinking, I do all of these things because they add spontaneity to my life, they bring the unexpected, and that makes me happy.

 I'm afraid that in the future I won't be able to these things. I am afraid that I will be sucked into a profession that I hate for 35 years because I was forced to make a decision when I had no idea what I wanted to do. I am afraid that I am going have get up early every day so I don't get fired. I am afraid that I will have to work all day every day just to make ends meet. I am afraid that I won't have time for Hockey, that when I retire in 35 years I won't be able to play. Afraid that I will spend my early 20's miserable in school, my mid 20's stuck in a crappy job still paying for school, my late 20's in debt to the bank for mortgage I can't afford, and then my 30's to my mid 60's waiting to retire, meanwhile all of my strength is slowly drained from my body, the whole world passes me by unexplored. I will work so hard for my freedom that I will have just as money to live off of as I do now and I will be too old and decrepit to do any of the things I want to do.

So here I am just trying to enjoy as much of my life as I can and I have almost everyone around me down my throat to pick a course and career to spend the rest of my life on. I have to decide who I want to be when I hardly even know who I am. I've been an adult for less than a full year (I'm going to count adulthood as 20) can I not have a few years to myself to decide. My family nearly shit themselves when I waited a year, and again when I dropped out of my first course ( I don't blame em for that one), and probably will again when I tell them I'm waiting another year. I think if anything we should have a mandatory 1 year period with no school. What's the rush? School isn't going anywhere, plus it gives students time to save up tuition.

Maybe I am crazy, and maybe I do ignore advice. I see no reason to stop now. No one seems to get my argument, I'm left wondering, does anyone else just want to live and make their own decisions without being harassed? More than anything I just want them to realize that the more they ask the less I want to do anything about it. Trust me it will get done. Just leave me alone and I'll do it.

I'm going to plan an adventure... better yet, screw the plans.

Tbc