Dec 6 2010 10:31 PM
What’s with me and giving up? I really thought I could handle this. It came to me today that if she came up and asked me out, or if I had to ask her out, I don’t think I could do it. There are times when I am optimistic and think I could get over the whole fear of intimacy thing, other times (i.e. now) when I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to kiss a girl again.
I keep telling myself, “small steps” but that only works if I move forward. Hell I messaged her on fb chat today, but she stopped responding after hello, and then my browser crashed, and I’m not sure if she responded and it didn’t show up, or if she just didn’t respond. Every time there’s even the smallest setback, I want to curl up and quit for good, and at the same time I really want this to work out, I want to get close to someone with no problem, and of course the thousand mile journey started with one step.
I almost want to try to tell someone I know, I’m not sure they’d understand, and if they did I was never one to display weaknesses unless necessary. Hell I guess part of it is like fear of fucking up, so then when I don’t try, then I didn’t actually fuck up. Screw therapy apparently I’ll post my thoughts on the internet.
I think I’ll ask K to coffee again soon, I’ll need money though. Thank god I just started my new job yesterday. It’s seems to be alright but it does get busy. Now for some more terrible emo shit that I wrote:
Good old fashioned fun, most often found near alcohol, is now almost extinct in many schools and homes across the country and may soon be gone forever. But with your generous donation to your local LCBO you can help ensure that fun will never go extinct. Please help bring fun back into our schools and homes.
Tell your parents, you're not coming home tonight, inform your boss your boss you're not going to work in the morning, and tell your friends, we're going out tonight.
I'd rather go the long complicated route, to avoid even a fraction of uncomfort in short route. For the people that know me all I have to mention is "The Drivers Ed Plan"
Hide from happiness, strive for mediocrity, and wallow in self pity. Sacrifice everything, hope for the world, and then settle for less than you deserve. The World is full of inspiration.
"Evidently I would choose insanity over unhappiness, hate over reality."
Your not speaking to the air, trust me i read all of your posts im always checking to see when you've updated :').
ReplyDeleteDont give up, im sure it will all work out in the end, just make little steps, not big jumps like asking her out (this could possibly lead to her feeling a bit uncomfortable i'm sure, especially if she thinks of you as just 'friends' for the time being) I'm sure the right moment will come for you too commit and be able to share your emotions, maybe the timing just isnt right.
Haha It's strange posting things I wrote a month ago, I can't really explain more without spoiling that part of the story. Also probably should have proof read the post, as I've seen the number of views jump up over 100 in just this month alone. Thank you for your support!
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