Oct 26 2010
4 days until she leaves.
Oct 27 2010
3 days until she leaves.
Oct 28 2010 11:10 PM
So whilst waiting to meet up with her, I reread what I wrote. I definitely should have spent more time writing it. I told myself I’d hand it to her anyway. We met at the Y again. This was her last shift. We walked to a coffee shop some distance away, I asked her how her last shift went, and told her about how I got fired. We sat down at the coffee shop, and we talked. It was amazing. It was even better than it was four years ago.
I am continually getting angrier with myself for fucking this up 4 years ago. Near the end of out visit she asked me if I could update her weekly on a webcomic that we both like. This of course changed everything(for some reason). Once again I had a reason to not tell her how I feel.
The people running the coffee shop asked us to leave as they were closing up. That was the fastest two hours of my life. I still held the note in my pocket. I walked over to the garbage can. I considered the ramifications of giving her the note. It would effectively end my time with her. I realized at that moment, that this was exactly the same situation as four years ago. I had wanted to do the exact thing I have been kicking myself for. She asked me what I was holding. I told her it was trash and promptly threw it away. I walked with her until she had to turn off and we said goodbye. Not adieu.
I know that I have friends. Sometimes I feel like they don’t actually like and are secretly scheming against me. I know this is preposterous, but I guess I am paranoid. Although when I was with her, it was different, I knew she wasn’t hanging out with me because she felt obligated, she actually wanted to spend time with me. This thought was further reinforced by her request of a weekly message. For the first time in a long time I do not feel alone. I am Jack’s happiness. 2 days.
Oct 29 2010
1 day.
Oct 30 2010
She’s gone.
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