Jeeze just shut up and do it already

Oct 23 4:10 AM

            Sleep? Who needs sleep when you’re depressed? This should make for an interesting/really awkward week. Time to go to bed, read, and hopefully get some sleep.

6 and 3 days left.

Oct 24 2010

5 and 2 days left.

Oct 25 2010 8:32 PM

            We’re meeting tomorrow. I’m really torn. I’m not sure I should give her the letter. The letter I haven’t written yet. Maybe I should make something that’s not a letter, maybe just a note. No envelope. Here’s what I wrote:

So yea… I didn’t actually “almost forget”. I don’t write many letters so the formatting is probably way off. Let me start off by saying this: I am really trying as hard as possible to make this letter sound sincere but not creepy. So I assume (hope) that if I mention that I’m trying not to be creepy, you won’t be creeped out. I should also mention that I am not trying to start drama of any kind.

            You’d think I’d be getting to my point now, but no, I still need to explain some things. First of all this is not a Hail Mary, an ultimatum or a last shot. I would like to continue being friends with you regardless even though I think it’d be really awkward.

 The real reason I’m even saying this is that I’m trying to change certain aspects of my life. I am trying to be a more open and trusting person. For example if I open up to someone, I’d like to believe they won’t immediately use that knowledge to destroy me.

            I figured I’d be able to tell you in person, but as it turns out I’m a coward (ha ha). Writing this took goddamn forever. Just the phrasing of what I wanted to say. Hell I’m writing this now and I’m not sure I’ll even be able to give it to you. I’ll assume you already know what I am trying to say, so I’ll continue to explain myself.

            At first I wanted to say “I have feelings for you”, but that seemed sort of vague. I mean “feelings” could mean anything. So I figure I’d go with the all time classic “I love you”. The most cliché thing in the world, but after a while I realized that it says exactly what I want to say. So I’m sticking with I love you.

            I’m not sure when I would see you again, if ever. I really don’t expect a response, in fact I’m almost hoping there won’t be one. It was something I had to say not something that I expected to be reciprocated. So I figured I’d have to give this to you now or never. Hopefully your trip goes well and I wish you the best of luck wherever you may find yourself.

-All the best,

Shit here goes nothing. 5 and 1 days left. See you on the other side.