"Reality is in the details, and this, this is my attempt at depicting reality."

I have these little bit and pieces, all equally important, but I can't seem to make them all fit together fluidly. I am going to try and make this as vivid and as verbatim as possible. So every detail I remember will be going in here.

So Sunday. Sunday Sucked. Monday in the very early morning was awesome. Sunday's at work are always the closest thing in the world to getting paid for doing nothing. However this time, they found a use for us, and we were busy dealing with annoying customers for 12 hours, which normally wouldn't be bad but normally on Sundays it's so dead we can go home very early, which would have been awesome because that's when Natalie was coming over.

I get home at 12:20 AM to find Marcel/Natalie already drunk/in process of getting drunker. She was sitting next to him and at the time it bothered me a little. But I figured Marcel wouldn't do anything, because he knows I was planning on making a move that night. So I set about catching up drinking-wise. I noticed Marcel had his arm around her, at which point I was bothered a lot, at this point after having a shitty day I figured it was just going to continue this way so I then proceeded to quit my original plan and just get shitfaced and pass out.

We drank until 3:30 AM at which point we all kind of decided it was time to sleep, we all proceeded to walk down the hallway towards the bedrooms, when she piped up "So who am I rooming with", to which I quickly replied "You can sleep with me" (I guess I hadn't given up after all, I don't think I would have said it if I hadn't been so drunk. So she followed me into my room.

At first we were both pretty much clothed, she had her top and some shorts on, and I had pants (because fuck pajamas/shorts). She laid down next to me, and kind of snuggled up close to me. I could smell her perfume. I asked if she minded if I put my arm around her. She said "No, go for it.". The closeness was nice, I keep forgetting how much I missed that. I kept realizing that I was forgetting to breath. I was half paranoid that my breathing down her neck might bother her.  After a while I realized pants were not a good option for sharing a bed, I complained about the heat, she said I could take them off. We lay together for awhile talking about nothing in particular. After awhile she took off her top, also because of the heat. Bonus.

I said "you and Marcel seemed to hit it off", and I don't remember her exact response, what she said boiled down to"I don't really know him that well". I suddenly felt a lot better, but also at the same time like an asshole for just snatching her away at the end of the night, when he probably spent the better part of the night chatting her up. She said she hoped we weren't keeping him up with our chatting/laughing which got kind of loud at times, because she thought it seemed like kinda of a slap in the face. I worried this might cause an issue. The last thing I wanted would be to have a huge fight with my best friend over a girl, I decided I would try to ignore it for the time being.

We spent most of the night just talking and cuddling. Talking about family, past relationships, feelings etc. I don't remember the last time I felt so close and so comfortable with someone. She mentioned that she wasn't really looking for a relationship at the moment. I agreed for two reasons; I wanted to seem not clingy, and I really don't know if I could manage one right now. I have to thank the filter in my brain that stops me from saying stupid things, I imagine that I would have messed it up otherwise. I did however tell her "I like you", to which she replied "Oh yea?". I think there was more to that conversation but I don't remember.

Eventually she leaned in close, I snuggled closer to her, and I was pretty sure we were going to kiss. It was funny because until that moment I hadn't realized how dry my mouth was. Again I remembered breathing was something that my body required. I'm sure none of this is a big deal to anyone else, but for whatever reason, to me, this ritual was intoxicating. I was in bed, my bed, with a pretty girl, and I don't think I could have been happier. This was probably the best night of my life to date. We ended up making out for a time. I never realized how soothing it could be to have someone stroke your hair. I think were awake until 6:30 AM and kind of dozed on and off together for a few hours and eventually woke up around 11:30 AM, we ended up talking until about 1 PM.

We got up and moved into the living room, Marcel was on the couch already, and I moved to my spot from last night and she to hers. I half expected him to be angry, I tried my hardest not to smile. We sat talking and listening to music until Marcel started Superbad, and again I noticed Marcel's arm around her, I wasn't bothered at first, I figured the night before meant something, I don't know what, but I felt secure for a while anyway.  Now I know, Natalie and I aren't dating, but I figured Marcel, would have cooled it at this point, now it was probably innocent and it was me being a jealous prick, but for whatever reason I couldn't help but let it bother me. So I just did my best to ignore it until she left. She left after the movie and Marcel and I proceeded to talk about the incident. Apparently he didn't care as much as I thought he would, and we thankfully didn't keep him up all night, I didn't really ask about the arm thing, but I don't know what answer I would expect from him.

I have written everything above as it happened, or at least how I saw it. I have not embellished anything. I am now just stuck here wondering, what does it mean? Was this just a one time thing? Is she interested in meeting again under similar circumstances? Was she just looking for a one night stand? Would she consider a relationship? This will undoubtedly bother me for a while. I haven't felt this range of differing and confusing emotions in a long time. When I am overwhelmed I tend to break everything down, focus on the easy solutions or work on the issue bit by bit until I understand it. After thinking about it, I think I want to pursue a relationship with her, I don't know if I'll get that opportunity and I think that's what bothers me the most. On a side note I am happy that I followed through with my plan and succeeded in doing so.

For now I guess I should formulate a plan. I really want to see her again, and am paranoid to message her right away for fear of seeming clingy. Anyway that's it for now. This has been a reality-check broadcast.