Today's topic: Missed opportunities.
As you can see when I'm upset I have lots to say. That is to say I lack the ability to shut the fuck up. So I've been thinking (because that's all there is to do when you're in bed not sleeping). I think I've been obsessing over this for a few reasons.
- The experience elicits a strong emotional response that I am not used to. Equal parts positive and devastating if I had to guess.
- I missed out. As it turns out people are more likely to respond to offers that are for a limited time, as it is an innate human response to fear missing out. For me especially, I've had other situations that I've missed out on that made me react in similar ways.
The part that bothers me the most?
I can say I had a topless drunk girl in my bed and I didn't try anything. I DIDN'T EVEN TRY!
I have a hard time thinking about it without being consumed by the memory. I don't know if I want to forget, I like that someone made me feel this way, it's proof that it can and likely will happen again with someone else. The music is helping? I don't know, I find it easier to ignore thoughts while focusing on lyrics and melodies. Daytime is better now, as long as I'm with someone it keeps my mind of it. Nighttime is worse, it always is. But hey it's better than the anxiety attacks.
So what, like 20 days now until she can maybe hang out? *SIGH* Is this helping? I'm hoping if I just get it the hell out of my system then it will be better. I forgot how much crushes suck.
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