"Just like you cannot un-know, you also cannot un-send"

So I did it. I told her. It nearly killed me but I did it. The moment she came online I couldn't breath, no doubt my body's attempt to kill me in order to prevent me from completing said task. I immediately forgot what I planned to tell her, and had to bring up the previous post to proceed. The one where I said, it had been a disaster so far, and would probably continue as such. Well check it out.

So I laid it all out, I told her how I felt, I straight up told another human being how I honestly felt about them, and I didn't burst into flames. It went pretty good considering how invested I was in this. She told me much the same of what I expected, she wasn't looking for a relationship. I told her that was fine. I went in with all the subtlety of a warhammer wielding orc.

Me:                                 heyy


Natalie:                                 hello

Me:                                 sup?

Natalie:                                 nothing much being lazy you?

Me:                                 not too much just lazing around

Natalie:                                 oh nice

Me:                                 so about sunday

Natalie:                                 sunday?

Me:                                 i mean last sunday

Natalie:                                 ohh

Natalie:                                 xD

Natalie:                                 I was like "shit did I plan something?"

Natalie:                                 D:

    Me:                             i know you said you weren't looking for a relationship and I get that, but I've beenn thinking these last couple days, and I really like you, and I do want to pursue something, I don't expect anything from this conversation, it's just something I really needed to say
                                I guess I mean i two sundays ago XD

    Natalie:                             hmmm I do like you don't get me wrong, but honestly I don't think a relationship in that way would be good, I don't think I could deal with that at this moment in time. But I still would love to hang out and spend time together when I can : ]

Me:                                 so 100% as friends correct?

    Natalie:                             yes :] because I don't think a relationship can fit into my life and honestly I don't want to fuck up anymore with people are care about right now D;

I threw that last part in there to crush any hope seeds that might have resulted from that spectacle. It didn't. Because as it turns out she's staying. She's. Motherfucking. Staying. If I knew that going in, I would have just waited for another opportunity. I was pretty sure I could drum one up if I got the chance. I just needed time. Time was something I thought I didn't have, so I figured desperation effort was the ticket. I still stand by my theory that I can garner another shot, I just have to be patient. Patient is something I can do, she did seem enthusiastic about hanging out again.

This whole disaster has been a great learning experience if nothing else. In other related news I wimped out and sent hockey chick a message, asking her to coffee. Hopefully that goes well. I think I can finally sleep now. I got some closure. Oh and stay tuned for "The return" coming in late December.