Redemption: part 2

So she came over again, which kinda sucked, I had a whole night of sulking and relaxing planned out. I waited for her to show up, I was not anxious, I didn't plot, I simply waited. When she got here I had started on my second drink, she tried it and asked me to pour her one, I did. She then said "oh if we're drinking I might just crash here then". I don't think any girl in the history of the world has made me flip flop on emotions like this, my brain immediately switched gears, I tried my best to ignore it. When I sat down I sat at the edge of the couch. There was a whole other couch for her to sit on, and two others for that matter, but she sat right next to me, almost uncomfortably so, as I couldn't move my arm around her, and play the game she brought. So I figure it was just nothing, and keep playing. I don't remember the exact conversation that led to this but she said "I think Marcel's still pissed about last time" she said this while laughing, I said "No I talked to him, he said he didn't care". Not out of malice just reflexively. She seemed to consider this a moment and no further comments on the subject were made. Marcel was supposed to arrive at 11:00 but lost his job and arrived home early, the exact second he walked in the door she shifted away. Her whole body language changed, she drew her legs in and then held them in place with her arms. Anyway nothing else really notable happened, I again clung to her saying that she might stay the night, but she left again. I miss sleep. I give up. And this time... I mean it. It's weird giving up seems to make me not want to spend time with her any more, I almost felt annoyed at the end before she left. It reminds me of another girl I had a crush on for a short time, after giving up I felt a strange resentment towards her, which eventually led to straight up hate. She was and still is a bitch, but I can't help but feel like this is a bad coping mechanism that ends up pushing a lot of people away. Today's topic: No paragraphs, and no structure. Fuck. This. Week.