I guess I'll continue with this.

June 24^th 2010

After obsessing over every detail in that note for a few days, I decide I should send her a message. Ask if maybe she wants to be friends again. She again writes exactly what I want to hear. We’re to meet at a local music store, when I get there I almost don’t recognize her at first. Those eyes, oh God those eyes. It’s her. I thought that maybe after not talking, and awkwardly passing in the hallway at school for three years might make things weird. Instead we’re immediately catching up on all that’s happened in three years, reminiscing on old times, not once mentioning the fact we had ignored each others existence for 3 and a half years.

Over the next few months we got together for a couple of runs and a few chats. I thought going into this, that I’d be happy with just being friends. That all I was missing was her laugh, and her eyes.

The pain is excruciating. When I see her, I want it to be the way it was. I want to go back and change everything. I want to break down and tell her I can’t see her anymore. That the small bit of happiness isn’t worth the agony. I want to tell her how I feel, tell her that, even though we never had a relationship, even though we hadn’t talked in three years, even though she’s dating someone else, that I love her.

Sept 6 2010

Once, when I was drunk, during a heart to heart, my friend asked me, “Have you ever loved anyone?”. At first my response was “Not yet.”, but after a few seconds I thought that if I didn’t love her, then I don't think I know what love is.