So Dig My Head Into The Ground, This Muscle Junkie Tied Me Down

I hadn't realized how much I had matured until just today. I am currently visiting my family about 3 hours away from my home. My dad has always basically shit on whatever I've done, or whatever I've planned to do, he's almost as passive aggressive as his parents. Anyway, as soon as I dropped school, he came up with a plan for me, wanting me to get out of my lease and go take a business course in Ottawa. I kinda just dodged the offer at first, and I figured this visit he would have a sit down with me. He has been prepping me for it since I arrived, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is the one person I would normally listen to when commanded, depending on the situation. In fact he's the only reason I went to KCVI and didn't go back to my old friends from grade school. Anyway this time I haven't felt that compulsion, I am not afraid to challenge his ideas, I am not afraid to say no, and do something because I want to, not because I was told to. I'm going to continue this little Pursuit of Happiness Tour of 2011.


So this is basically preparation for my rebuttal. I can't wait to say no. Knowing there's not a damn thing that he can do about it. It's my life and finally I am independent. So when he lays his whole life plan out for me, I want to have something concrete to fall back on. I won't interrupt I won't say a word until he's done talking. I think I want to say something along the lines of:

"I thank you for your thoughtful suggestions, but I am happy with my life the way it is. I will stay in my apartment until the end of my lease and more than likely will not be moving out of Kingston. I am taking one entire year off from school and will be going back to it in 2013, I don't have a course selected yet, but that is my current plan."

And if he presses on and says something derogatory to my plans or my current living situation, I move to the smear campaign. "Look, I know you haven't always been here for me and I'm ok with that, I don't need you to try to make up for it now, I was fine before, I am fine now, and will be fine in the future. Maybe the decisions I'm making right now aren't neccessarily the best for me. But they're my decisions and I'm going to continue making them and learning from them. The more you pressure me, the less likely I am to want to move to Ottawa at any point in the future. I would kindly appreciate any support that you can give me at this point in my life but please do not continue to passive aggressively attack my choices."

And if he continues still:
"Fuck you, I'm leaving."

I've missed the ability to make clear decisions. When you have nothing you have nothing to lose. Tinaka messaged me today. I forgot about this battle, the battle of who would message first, I won. So we talked for a few hours, and I was amazed at the comments I had no problem making, knowing that this was a throwaway attempt led me to get bored, and say something that I normally wouldn't. High risk and high reward. I think this is going to be pretty easy, can't let up, gotta stay focused and not make any stupid mistakes. I think I can do that.

I ache to play another game of Hockey, I miss the exercise. That's all for now I guess.

Embrace the calm.